The Greatest Pianist in the World!

8 daily routines of HIGHLY successful musicians

#SCIENCE

1)  Eating.

All musicians must eat because they need the food or they’ll die.

 

2)  Walking.

All musicians must walk because how else are you going to get around the house or get your instrument.  Unless you’re Itzhak Perlman or have no legs like Lt. Dan.

 

3)  Going to the bathroom.

All musicians need to go to the bathroom – #1 AND #2.  I’ve never heard of a musician that didn’t use the bathroom, BUT I have heard of some musicians who did use the bathroom but not in the bathroom.

 

4)  Breathing.

If you don’t breathe then you’ll die and can’t be a musician.

 

5)  Reading buzzfeed.

If you don’t read lists on Buzzfeed, Elitedaily, or Forbes, chances are you’ll never be able to learn how to ever do anything… especially be successful.

 

6)  Sleeping.

If you don’t sleep you’ll be really tired and won’t be able to focus that well.  Sleep is important and super successful musicians all sleep eventually.

 

7)  Not getting AIDS.

A lot of successful musicians got AIDS then died so then they weren’t successful anymore.  Don’t get AIDS.

 

8)  Rehearse and practice music.

Most successful musicians at some point in their lives rehearse for shows and practice their music.  Unless you’re Pitbull who doesn’t appear to have a modicum of musical talent, nor appear to have spent a nanosecond of time practicing or rehearsing, but still manages to skull*^&% the ears of America with his uninspired uncut pig whistle… but not everyone is Pitbull so the rest of us must practice.

 

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2 Responses

  1. Aspiring Musician says:

    Dear StephenLimbaugh.com,

    I, too, have managed to do all these things, including not get aids and practice my bagpipes compulsively. Why, then, am I not a highly successful musician? Do you have any advice for a downtrodden bagpiper such as myself?

    Signed,

    Mad Piper

    • step6805 says:

      Interesting. At first I thought it’s maybe because you may not be wearing underwear under your kilt, but then thought “I play piano naked all the time… so it’s probably not that.” What about bathing? I’ve found that taking a shower every couple weeks makes me feel better and audiences seem less averse.

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